Weenie!

Sibling rivalry seems to be at an all time high around here. I suppose with children ages 8, 6 and 3 this is to be expected. I, however just can't stand it. I know, I know, my mother can tell you stories until both you and she are blue in the face about my 2 brothers and I. We fought alot, no really I mean alot! I have no idea how she survived. Maybe she spent alot of time locked in the bathroom. I can see it now...3 kids sitting outside of the bathroom door, probably arguing, saying Mom? Mom? Are you still in there? What are you doing? Can I come in? Are you sure? Ok, I'll just wait here until you are done! I'm sure this scenario would be interrupted at least a few times with hitting, slapping, name calling or some other general nastiness.

As far as my mom goes I see two possibilities: #1. She had a whole "spa thing" going on in there. A little soft music, probably Alabama, (really hot country music group in the 80's) although she used to have a thing for Kris Kristofferson so he is definitely a possibility. The shower was running for two reasons, the steam was good for her pores and it did wonders for drowning out noisy children. Surely there was some chocolate and Diet Coke involved. Maybe even a few candles. Maybe she even smuggled a masseuse in the window, but considering the bathroom was so small you couldn't open the door without hitting the knees of the person on the toilet, this seems unlikely.

Scenario #2. Sadly this one seem far more likely. I see her sitting in an empty bathtub, shower curtain pulled, all lights off. The Diet Coke and chocolate are definitely involved. There may be music, but it's probably some sort of heavy metal stuff, playing backwards no-less. The scent of lit matches that we smelled, although we assumed was her lighting a candle, was actually her lighting a cigarette, smoking like a freight train. This would really be something since, to my knowledge, my mother never took a single drag in her life. She was probably muttering gibberish to herself, trying to figure out how she got where she was. How in the world did she have 3 kids - 11, 8 and 1, respectively, and manage to be a stay-at-home mom. We had a nice new, all be it tiny, house that was more often than not unbelievably clean. Where did she find the energy to do that? Maybe she was secretly trying to figure out where she could score some uppers!

No matter what really happened in that tiny bathroom on Barbour Street; when she came out she was completely rejuvenated. Mrs. Calm and Collect. She looked at us with a smile and said "Let's go play Mother's Helper". That was our favorite board game. And to be honest, I don't really care what happened in there. Sometimes moms have to do whatever they can just to make it through the day. So kudos to you Mom!

So, anyway, back to my point. What was it again? Just kidding. Sibling rivalry dates back to biblical times, hello, Cain and Able. And no one can tell me that Noah and Mrs. Noah didn't have to settle a few knock down drag outs on that giant boat. So while I know my children's behavior is not abnormal, I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it. Don't get me wrong, I spend my fair share of time in the bathroom too, but the uppers are out of the question. Besides, doctors can prescribe even stronger stuff that, if you have good insurance, could be nearly free. Not to mention you don't have to risk jail time for solicitation of drugs. Although a nice "vacation" in the pen sounds strangely calming. Any way, back to my point.

Our most recent rivalry is between the 6 and 3 year old. Really, they get along pretty well most of the time. The 6 year old likes to mother the younger child, which leads to other problems and conversations like, "Please don't tell her what to do, you are not her mother". To bad she isn't asking me if she could change her diaper, that I would allow. But for the most part I'd say they are pretty normal.

A few days ago though things went south. All 3 kids were playing in the living room while I was in the kitchen cleaning and talking on the phone. All of the sudden I hear that familiar yell, "Mom Avery called me a name". I did ignore it a few times, but decided to investigate after I heard what the 3 year old actually called her. The youngest child was jumping up and down on the chair gleefully calling the 6 year old a WEENIE! "Weenie, weenie, Megan is a weenie!" The 6 year old has burst into tears, as usual. I swear I don't know how she can do that so quickly, talk about a faucet. So...weenie...where did that come from? We really don't use that word, not even when referring to Oscar Mayer or Ball Park. So after I giggled to myself (come on, you know it's funny too), I said to the 6 year old "Honey, she couldn't have said that. She does not even know that word. She must have said something else and we heard it wrong". So after a little thought, I came up with this...she must have been saying meanie. This IS a word she does use quite frequently. Megan must have heard wrong, yelled "Don't call me a WEENIE!", and there ya go. Brand spankin' new word for the toddler. Now my 3 year old is smart. She can pick up on the fact that she now has super new ammo against the highly sensitive 6 year old rather quickly. Like seconds, I told you she was smart.

Of course I snatched her up, walked into the dining room, got down on my knees (her level), and said..."Avery, you are not allowed to say weenie. Weenie is a bad word. When you say that you hurt your sister's feelings. Mommie does not want you to say weenie ever again, ok?" Now keep in mind she is smiling at me the whole time, eyes gleaming with delight. She looks at me with that slightly deviant look in her eyes, smiles ever so humbly and says, "Ok mommie!". "Now go tell your sister that you are sorry and give her a hug." Off she trots to the living room, nonchalantly steps on the dog, kicks over a cup of milk, runs to her still ticked off sister and hugs her. She looks right in her eyes and says "Sorry Megan. I wuv you...Weenie!".