Please Remain Calm...

OK. So we had this really big storm this afternoon. The kids were not freaked out like they are when it's night time. Daddy had a softball game in Morgantown at 4:00, we thought it would be cancelled, but he had to leave to be on time before he got "the call". So it's me, the kids and the dog. Crap. Now what? I know, let's drive around and look at the water. Like I said, we had a big storm and in Fairmont that means flooding. I have fond childhood memories of driving around Buckhannon looking at all the water standing in the Triangle and Moore's. I know. I know. Weird. But what can I say? It did not take much to entertain us.

So I pile the kids and dog into the car. Not that it was that easy. First the dog peed on Avery's floor and I immediately stepped in it which was kinda funny because at the same time the girls were in the attic yelling that the dog had just pooped up there. How many dogs do we have? I cleaned up the pee, cleaned up the poop and said "Get your flip flops on and go stand at the door". Really, how many commands is that? Even the dog could do that. Megan went to her room to find her heels, good grief. Her clothes don't match but she has on her heels. Avery is yelling at the top of her lungs trying to stuff her foot into a shoe that she never wants to wear and of course it is not untied. Now mind you she has 2 pairs of crocs on the floor right beside the "I hate that shoe" shoe. Cameron went upstairs to get his tennis shoes since that is the the only pair he has, well except for his swimming shoes and his new church shoes. He insisted on loading the dishwasher before we left though?! What?! What parallel universe am I living in?

Also, just for fun I thought we would drive through Wendy's for a frosty. The kids got coupons during school for a free one and I thought I would just buy a couple more for Avery and I, not the dog. Good idea right? Really cheap and still fun. Well this involved actually finding the coupons. After we did that we forgot one in the house and did not realize it until we got in the car. Of course. We finally got off Pittsburgh Avenue and headed for Dairy Cream Corner, where it always floods. After a brief look and a few ohhhs and ahhhs we headed to Wendy's. The rain had screwed up the speaker at the drive thru so this took a little while.

Ice cream in hand, we drove around town just a little while longer. There was not much more to see. We headed home and attempted to get out of the car in one piece. Some one was emitting a foul smell...dog, baby, who knows. After yelling at the 2 big ones to "get your trash out of the car". The dog was not willing to go with Cameron. She had crawled under the back seat, leash trailing and tangling. So here I am holding the leash, a melted frosty, that we had to keep, and I was trying to pry the 3 year old out of the car seat. Finally got her out and she refused to put her shoes on, fine, so what. Picked her up and she yelled "No, I want my shoes!" I Bent over to get her shoes and dumped melted frosty all over the dog! Crap! Did I mention she had a bath twice in the last 2 days? Got in the house and "let the fighting begin". When is Daddy coming home? I KNOW that game got cancelled.

So there ya go, childhood memories being made...where's my xanax?!

How Long til Summer's Over????

Well, it's almost that time of year. The time for my favorite commercial to start running, the one from Staples. The dad is taking his 2 kids back to school shopping, they are walking behind the cart with the saddest looks on their little faces. And dad is, what can only be described as prancing; in his attempt at slow motion no less; around the cart. He is tossing school supplies into the buggy and just smiling. And to top it off the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" is playing. I tell you I laugh out loud every time it comes on, and this in turn really ticks my kids off. Tee he, tee he.

I'm starting to get that "I must get organized" feeling. I' don't know if it's just that summer is comming to a close and I feel like I have to clean up all the junk that my 3 little pigs have gotten out. Or a way of dealing with all of the things in my life that I can't control. Hey, that's a thought! If I could just come to terms with the fact that I will never be able to keep up with this house when all of the kids are home, unless I turn into some evil dictator mother that my kids hate and are afraid of, life would be soooo much easier. This "illness" I have really is genetic. Oh don't worry, my mom and I have talked about it at length. We both know that it's a problem, I have it, she has it and I bet grandma did too.

And it's not like I don't have role models, really good moms around me that seem to have gotten this "illness" under control. Funny though, they are all on my husband's side of the family...what was I saying about it being genetic? I's so difficult for me to make that break. My head tells me one thing and my heart tells me something else. Oh well, such is life I guess.

Lots of things have happend around here in the last week or so, I've been too busy to right. (Heather, please refer to above paragraphs.) Let's see, my Bozo's cousin Emily married her long time sweetie, Jacob, on July 14. What a wedding!! Megan was one of the flower girls. Both she and Emma, her cousin, were beautiful. And I have the pictures to prove it! The wedding went off without a hitch, well except for the forgotten grape juice for communion. It's ok though, no one really noticed, we all just thought that they drank it like a shot.

I found myself replaying my own wedding in my head, I know who doesn't. But not for the normal reasons. These two just seem so much older and more mature than Bozo and I were. Looking back we were so completely clueless. I could not wait to get married, go on the honeymoon and get back to play house. Now don't flip out! I'm not saying that I got married just to play house. I am saying that that is what I was looking forward to the most. I still had a year of college to complete, but I could not wait to have a house, go grocery shopping for the two of us, fix what I wanted for dinner and yes, even clean my house. Maybe I just wanted to be on my own, just me and my sweetie. Emily and Jacob seem to be so much more prepared for what life is really going to entail. (Emily really is a planner though.) I hope and pray that both she and Jake can keep the level headedness they both have now as they enter into this new phase of life. I hope they enjoy all of the little every day things. The silence, the neat and clean home, the dinners alone, the sleeping through the night...gee, you would think I have 3 little kids or something.

Moving right along...we took a little vacation last weekend. We went to Pa. to visit Butch and Bonnie or Uncle Butch and Aunt Bonnie and we affectionately call them. Mom and Dad met them when they were all first married and living in Norfolk, Va. Both Dad and Butch were stationed there. They, mom and Bonnie, would clean their little houses in the morning then walk across the street to the beach every afternoon. What a life! Anyway, they stayed close through all these years. So we went to visit. They set up their pop up camper in the yard for us to stay in and let me tell you, my kids loved it! We told them we were camping. It is a really nice little pop-up. I think I could live in one, you know, after my divorce. JUST KIDDING! What I meant to say was when the kids all move out. Bozo and I will just take off and drive. All over the country, that would be so cool.

We tried to swim in their new pool, but the water was a little chilly and the fact that it got down to 50 degrees the night before did not help matters. The kids did finally get in after lunch and swam for awhile, we adults just sat on the sunny deck and watched. For dinner we all went to Chuck E. Cheese, the adults were thrilled! But my kids were so excited! We had never taken them to a real Chuck E. Cheese, just Valley World's of Fun, ugh! They squealed with delight and chanted "where a kid can be a kid" all the way there. We did have tons of fun. The moms went to Macy's afterwords for a quick shopping trip. I found a few things for school for the kids. When we got back to the camper the guys had a fire going and we roasted smores. The kids passed out in bed right after and we got to have some adult conversation around the fire until we crashed around midnight.

Saturday morning we headed for Idlewild. I was so excited. When Nathan and I were kids, mom and dad took us to Storybook Forest. Somewhere there is a picture of me standing beside one of the 3 little pigs and this little pig had on green Chuck Taylors! I was appalled. The kids had so much fun, I am going to order the pictures today. Well, kids screaming, gotta go, more later.

Weenie!

Sibling rivalry seems to be at an all time high around here. I suppose with children ages 8, 6 and 3 this is to be expected. I, however just can't stand it. I know, I know, my mother can tell you stories until both you and she are blue in the face about my 2 brothers and I. We fought alot, no really I mean alot! I have no idea how she survived. Maybe she spent alot of time locked in the bathroom. I can see it now...3 kids sitting outside of the bathroom door, probably arguing, saying Mom? Mom? Are you still in there? What are you doing? Can I come in? Are you sure? Ok, I'll just wait here until you are done! I'm sure this scenario would be interrupted at least a few times with hitting, slapping, name calling or some other general nastiness.

As far as my mom goes I see two possibilities: #1. She had a whole "spa thing" going on in there. A little soft music, probably Alabama, (really hot country music group in the 80's) although she used to have a thing for Kris Kristofferson so he is definitely a possibility. The shower was running for two reasons, the steam was good for her pores and it did wonders for drowning out noisy children. Surely there was some chocolate and Diet Coke involved. Maybe even a few candles. Maybe she even smuggled a masseuse in the window, but considering the bathroom was so small you couldn't open the door without hitting the knees of the person on the toilet, this seems unlikely.

Scenario #2. Sadly this one seem far more likely. I see her sitting in an empty bathtub, shower curtain pulled, all lights off. The Diet Coke and chocolate are definitely involved. There may be music, but it's probably some sort of heavy metal stuff, playing backwards no-less. The scent of lit matches that we smelled, although we assumed was her lighting a candle, was actually her lighting a cigarette, smoking like a freight train. This would really be something since, to my knowledge, my mother never took a single drag in her life. She was probably muttering gibberish to herself, trying to figure out how she got where she was. How in the world did she have 3 kids - 11, 8 and 1, respectively, and manage to be a stay-at-home mom. We had a nice new, all be it tiny, house that was more often than not unbelievably clean. Where did she find the energy to do that? Maybe she was secretly trying to figure out where she could score some uppers!

No matter what really happened in that tiny bathroom on Barbour Street; when she came out she was completely rejuvenated. Mrs. Calm and Collect. She looked at us with a smile and said "Let's go play Mother's Helper". That was our favorite board game. And to be honest, I don't really care what happened in there. Sometimes moms have to do whatever they can just to make it through the day. So kudos to you Mom!

So, anyway, back to my point. What was it again? Just kidding. Sibling rivalry dates back to biblical times, hello, Cain and Able. And no one can tell me that Noah and Mrs. Noah didn't have to settle a few knock down drag outs on that giant boat. So while I know my children's behavior is not abnormal, I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it. Don't get me wrong, I spend my fair share of time in the bathroom too, but the uppers are out of the question. Besides, doctors can prescribe even stronger stuff that, if you have good insurance, could be nearly free. Not to mention you don't have to risk jail time for solicitation of drugs. Although a nice "vacation" in the pen sounds strangely calming. Any way, back to my point.

Our most recent rivalry is between the 6 and 3 year old. Really, they get along pretty well most of the time. The 6 year old likes to mother the younger child, which leads to other problems and conversations like, "Please don't tell her what to do, you are not her mother". To bad she isn't asking me if she could change her diaper, that I would allow. But for the most part I'd say they are pretty normal.

A few days ago though things went south. All 3 kids were playing in the living room while I was in the kitchen cleaning and talking on the phone. All of the sudden I hear that familiar yell, "Mom Avery called me a name". I did ignore it a few times, but decided to investigate after I heard what the 3 year old actually called her. The youngest child was jumping up and down on the chair gleefully calling the 6 year old a WEENIE! "Weenie, weenie, Megan is a weenie!" The 6 year old has burst into tears, as usual. I swear I don't know how she can do that so quickly, talk about a faucet. So...weenie...where did that come from? We really don't use that word, not even when referring to Oscar Mayer or Ball Park. So after I giggled to myself (come on, you know it's funny too), I said to the 6 year old "Honey, she couldn't have said that. She does not even know that word. She must have said something else and we heard it wrong". So after a little thought, I came up with this...she must have been saying meanie. This IS a word she does use quite frequently. Megan must have heard wrong, yelled "Don't call me a WEENIE!", and there ya go. Brand spankin' new word for the toddler. Now my 3 year old is smart. She can pick up on the fact that she now has super new ammo against the highly sensitive 6 year old rather quickly. Like seconds, I told you she was smart.

Of course I snatched her up, walked into the dining room, got down on my knees (her level), and said..."Avery, you are not allowed to say weenie. Weenie is a bad word. When you say that you hurt your sister's feelings. Mommie does not want you to say weenie ever again, ok?" Now keep in mind she is smiling at me the whole time, eyes gleaming with delight. She looks at me with that slightly deviant look in her eyes, smiles ever so humbly and says, "Ok mommie!". "Now go tell your sister that you are sorry and give her a hug." Off she trots to the living room, nonchalantly steps on the dog, kicks over a cup of milk, runs to her still ticked off sister and hugs her. She looks right in her eyes and says "Sorry Megan. I wuv you...Weenie!".

God DOES Work in Mysterious Ways

OK, so yesterday I felt like crap. I was mad at my kids, my husband, the dog, basically any one who had ever done anything to me or had ever said anything stupid in my presence. Gee...I think that's everyone. Well, as usual the real person that needed a good talking to was...umm...me. Not that I didn't have a justifiable reason to be mad, but the way I deal with that anger was my real issue. I tend to crawl inward, retreat to my inner self. After all, that's the only person who can really help, right? I mean, honestly, I am the best at commiserating with myself, I don't even have to tell myself what is bothering me, I can read my mind. In case you can't tell, that was laced with scarcaism.

So, after a good 18 hours or so of being just delightful to be around we made our way to Morgantown. Chestnut Ridge Church to be exact. Our really good friends Chris and Rebecca had asked us a few days ago to go with them to something called Kidz Blitz. It sounded like fun, think Nickelodeon's Slime Time Live, but with a biblical message. To be honest the last thing I wanted to do was to head north. I wanted to stay home, by myself, and be mad. But, I went anyway. The drive up consisted of my husband and I trying to make conversation so we could get over being really irritated with each other. And believe it or not the kids were actually good in the car, they usually bicker all the way to our destination.
We pulled into the driveway of this enormous building. Cameron said, "Is this a church? It looks like a school." And it does, one day when I figure out how to create link, I will link you to Chestnut Ridge Church in Morgantown West Virginia. We parked, walked in and immediately saw someone we knew. Dawn, a girl we met in college. She and her husband have divorced, since getting married in college. They have three kids, including a set of twin boys. We talked just for a moment then headed in. The inside of the church felt like a friendly coliseum. They even had a concession area. You could buy drinks, candy,popcorn, even coffee. And not just regular coffee, but the really good iced flavored stuff. And get this, you can take it into church! The seats were like movie theatre seats, all cushy and with drink holders. I believe this is West Virginia's version of Mega Church, not that I have ever attended a Mega Church, so I am only guessing.

The kids were really excited. The stage looked great, all kinds of balloons, balls, flashy lights, harnesses hanging from scaffolding; you get the picture. Once the show started the kids were literally jumping out of their seats, the host was choosing volunteers from the audience. Try as they might, none of the 5 kids in our party were chosen to go on stage to play some kind of crazy game that usually included goggles for safety. One of the most notable games required the child to put their entire body into a stretchy, very dark inside, bag and put on t-shirt. Once the shirt was on they could get out of the bag, run to the middle of the stage, stick their hand into a bucket of "gator snot" and find a whistle. The whistle had to be blown, which does not sound that difficult, but keep in mind that it was submerged in a bucket of slime. After the kid got the whistle to blow they had to run to the other side of the stage, stand in a hoola-hoop, pick up a spray bottle and squirt it towards the middle of the stage where there was a rubber chicken hanging from a long piece of toilet paper. The idea was to spray the tp with enough water to to get the chicken to fall. Oh yeah, there was a bone in there somewhere, but I forget where. All of this had to be done in less that 1 minute. Needless to say, none or the kids got it, although one came pretty close. I am pretty sure that if either one of the boys in our group had been chosen, the story would have ended differently.

Well back to the part where I said that none of the kids in our party were chosen, that is true. The kids were not, but I was. Thank you very much to my husband who, by the way, swears he was trying to volunteer Rebecca. Apparently the host asked the men to volunteer their wives, I was unaware, I was talking, to Rebecca I think. So why was my husband trying to volunteer Rebecca you ask? She is not his wife? GOOD question. Chris apparently was smart enough to not even think about sending his dear sweet wife up onto a stage that so far had been host to blindfolds, jump ropes and scuba flippers.

Well remember I said God works in mysterious ways? Somehow the host saw through all of the pointing to Rebecca and chose me, thank you very much. Much laughing and cheering ensued. But I am a good sport, for the most part, so off I went up onto stage not at all sure what I was in for. I stood on stage awaiting my fate. I was asked about my family, husband and children. Donnie, the host says, "Well this is a family show so let's have the rest of the family come up too." This was really a joke on the men for volunteering their wives. The dads had to sit on a bean bag in front of the moms, cover their eyes with goggles and hold a water balloon on their heads. This was when I was really glad that I had been chosen. Tee Hee! The balloons got a nice layer of shaving cream, really sounding good now huh? Now the best part, while the moms held the balloon on the dad's head the children, yes, our 3 angels got to shave the cream off the balloon with a razor. This was when I thought how glad I was that I had made them take baths before we left. Here we were, all on stage, in front of a rather large crowd. Cameron looking all spiffy in his khaki shorts and golf shirt. Megan with her lovely sun dress, her hair all silky and tangle free. And Avery...adorable strawberry blond pig tails, cleanish summer dress and her bug boots! Red lady bug rain boots that we bought at Target a couple summers ago on clearance. Oh yeah, and a binky in her mouth. Didn't we look great.

After a brief safety talk, the timer began and my son was let loose with a sharp "cutter", to quote him, doing his best to clear the balloon of all traces of shaving cream. Now even though Donnie had given Cameron instructions on shaving, "rub really, really hard back and forth with the razor, that's the best way to do it." the balloon did not pop. The poor dad on the other team was not so lucky, or his kids just did too good of a job "shaving", because his balloon exploded all over him, his wife, the kids and some of the audience. So we were going to win by default anyway. After we were announced winners, our team leader reached over to slyly pop the balloon still balanced on my hubby's head. No luck, just a small pin prick. Not wanting to let our kids or the crowd down I finished it off for him. Tee Hee again!

We all got a really good laugh as well as a second bath. My husband said last night that this would be something that our kids remember forever and I agree. And if they don't, that friend I mentioned, Dawn, she took pictures!

So that's my story. Never in a million years would I have imagined that God would get my family to church, on a stage, wearing goggles and holding shaving cream covered water balloons. Having the children wield razors and water flying everywhere all so we could forget that we were irritated with each other. We had a much better evening last night than the one before and tonight will be even better.

God is good, All the time!

How Much Poop an Pee Can One Person Take?

Of all of the trials of motherhood I am sure that potty training has to be one of the worst, or one of the easiest if you have that kind of child. I had one of the easy kind, one of the sorta easy kind and then along came Avery. Avery seems to push in every way a three year old can. She will be four at the end of December, I really think going to the potty should be reasonable at this point. As true to form, she is the most hard headed of my three children, she can also be the sweetest, isn't it funny how that always seems to be the case?

There is no question as to whether or not she knows she has to go, we all know, she wanders off and assumes the "stance"; and the "I'm pooping now and please don't ask me to do it in the bathroom" face. If you do try to get her to the bathroom she promptly panics, screams "No, no! I don't want to, I don't want to!" If you do get her to the bathroom, she will not go, I promise you, she will not. She will eventually wander off again when you have turned your attention to another child and proceed to fill her diaper.

She had been doing fairly well to pee in the potty, but as of last Sunday we have backslid. She was running around the house "potty commando" as my friend Rebecca says, she never has pee accidents when she's a "nakey butt", as she puts it. She was running around the kitchen with her friend when she came into the living room, looked at my friend and said "Mommy, I peed." Now, first of all the last time I checked I was the mommy, I should have taken that as a clue and let Rebecca play mom. We walked into the kitchen and the child had not peed, she had pooped on my floor! After our company left she did it again on the front porch!

What is happening?!

About an hour later Bozo and I were sitting on the back deck discussing the sermon from the morning service. We were saying how we are both so tired, grumpy, unhappy, etc. We had started discussing how we should fix these issues when the following statement came from my mouth. What was I thinking? I said "I just wish I had more patience with the kids". Now I have been taught from a semi-young age that if you ask for more patience God will send you all kinds of things to teach you more patience. What a complete idiot! Within 2 seconds Megan started screaming that Avery needed us. The child laid on my couch with her panties and pjs on and pooped and peed on my couch! Needless to say she ended up in the shower to get cleaned up and ready for bed. By then I was ready for bed and a drink! Just kidding, kinda.

Maybe I'll put in a call to SuperNanny, or Dr. Spock, oh yeah, he's dead.

Somewhere Between June Cleaver and Roseanne Conner

My Search to Find My Place

Ok, so I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a while now. Right! Just what I need one more think to maintain. So here ya go, right off the bat, I will never promise to post daily or even on a regular basis. This is strictly a trial basis kinda thing. Now, I have no guilt reigning over my head.

Secretly, between just you and me, I think I will enjoy it. The idea of writing something that I am pretty sure at least a few people will read is very intriguing to me. It makes me think like an adult. One with a degree even, not that that means a lot these days. A real honest to goodness adult, not just a stay at home mom of 3 kids. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, and yes, contrary to modern pc-ness, I think of my family and home as my Job. More on that later. Any way, back to that adult thing. I have found that I like to just sit and think sometimes, even write. So here is my attempt to chronicle my thoughts, feelings, fears, rants and whatever else I decide. See, that’s why I think I will like this , I can change my mind and plans whenever I want and no one can say a thing. At least nothing a delete button can’t fix.

HG-Monday July 9, 2007